Raising Awareness...

Ok, so I've been quite busy this past week as I've decided that with things looking up I would raise awareness in honor of Silas as much as possible. Just a couple of hours after my last post the phone rang & my husband answered the call. It was congress woman Sandy Adams. She had called a bunch of Florida households to discuss the problems with our economy & government today. So for quite sometime my husband listened to this conference call, until I came into the room. I had an option to press 0 to be placed in line to speak to her for all to hear. I hit 0, but time ran out. I was transferred to a voice mail system to leave a message, which I did. I didn't bother to talk about my problem or what I'm going through because I feel to little to late for them to help me. We needed help now, not later! Our babies though lives & struggles need help to let the world know about Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. Let us save the one in the future from the grasp of CDH, & lets find the survivors answers & cures, & for those that lost their battle w/CDH let's honor them raising awareness.  

Oh, sorry about the rant & raving, but I just can't bare to think that anyone will have to go through this battle... It's definately not for the weak or timid, but then again I don't think anyone has the strength to get through this one. I have made this video for awareness of CDH:

2012 CDH Awareness - slideshow dvd

Well, just this past Thur. (approx. 2 days ago) the phone rang & to my surprise it was Sandy Adams calling my house & asking for me, Heather... Damn, for real. She called to tell me that she got my message & she reviewed the info I sent her & she will be looking for the kids with the wings in DC on April 19, 2012!! She is going to spread the word to the other politicians to support the bills for CDH!! Seems Silas is hard at work.. I believe that what I can do for others will be returned to me 10 fold.... I don't have any monetary funds; as a matter of a fact as you all know I'm in need of that right now BADLY... What I do have to give though hopefully someone will see a value to the others in what I do & grant my wish & prayers to help me financially.. Please Help Support the CDH bill .

On another note I found an organization that raises awareness for rare diseases. Silas was diagnosed with an unconfirmed case of Fryns Syndrome. The organization helps us unite 1 million people who support rare disease awareness. 1 in 10 Americans have a rare disease. 350 million people worldwide suffer from one of the 7,000 different types of rare disease. 95% have no cure... I submitted Silas picture to be processed & edited for R.A.R.E. Disease Day (Feb. 29, 2012) to the Global Genes Project. 

Now, that I've got Sandy's attention to the Cherubs. I need to now collect some of the items for CHERUBS H.O.P.E. (Helping Other Parents Expecting) Tote bag Program. I'm writing to companies to donate these products that they already make or sell. As for anyone that would like to help this great cause you can either let me know, or you can donate (right column of blog/ First Giving widget)

For those of you that would rather just purchase items & mail them to me, that's fine too. Wish List of Items Needed: Below is a list of items that we currently include in our totebags. Each totebag is different, dependent upon the items we have currently available.

Disposable Cameras

Baby Blankets (any material but wool)

CDH Baby Books

Button up newborn or preemie shirts

Small or preemie pacifiers

Travel packs of tissues

Chapsticks

Plaster Handprint and Footprint Kits

Baby Booties

Baby Hats

Small bottles of hand santizer

Small bottles of lotion

Small picture frames (for the baby's hospital bed)

Baby's first haircut holders

Small teddy bears

Gas Cards

Restaurant gift certificates (national chains please)

I guess the ONLY other news I have is that the other day I told you about Tiny Dream Shop that was going to be custom make a piece of jewelry to honor Silas for a Facebook Contest I won.. She messaged me today & here is the finished custom piece to honor Silas.

Hard Times..

As many of you know recently I had a break down. Times just seemed as though our tough times were beating us up emotionally & financially. I write this down for all of you to read because there is a few lessons to be learned through all of this.. I want to share this with you all to show that when it seems you are alone, Jehovah is there by your side.. My Nana used to always have the Footprints poem all around her house and more now than ever do I know that this poem holds truth.

First I want to say thank you to a wonderful business who is making a custom piece of jewelry to honor Silas. I won this beautiful piece of jewelry through a contest they had on their Facebook page. Tiny Dream Shop

Ok, so now back to Sunday this past weekend. I was having a very hard time, I missed my son, we are fighting evictions, I miss my girls, & my husband & I have worked for a few companies that have been screwing us over on our pay!! So 3 weeks of NO income finally began to take it's tole & break me.. I was at my wits end and didn't know what to do.. My pride told me to not say shit because people have their own problems & no one cared. My depression had me post on Facebook my problems and fears, & that I was ready to quit.. As always my Cherubs family members were there to support & encourage me to hang on it will get better & I had them to talk to who knew what I was going through..

To my surprise though an old high school friend asked me to call her so she could listen. Mind you the last time I saw this friend things weren't exactly sane... lol Things left on crazy & chaotic terms.. We have been friends since we were young middle school/high school. Mind you not only have we not talked in a long time, but she lives half the country away. Now, for those of you that say you are alone & no one cares, or you have no friends, or there is no hope I beg to differ. You see this friend ordered pizza/wings & Coke to be delivered to our home & then called the local grocery store & ordered a gift card for us to buy food for us to have food!!

So when you are suffering because of your pride, kick it to the curb! When your fear keeps you from speaking out, post anyways! You will NEVER get help if you don't speak up because no one will know what is happening to you, because someone whether it a friend or stranger someone will step up & extend a hand up..

Now not only has this amazing friend done all this BUT when I asked her why she was doing all this after what we went through & she simply said; "That's what a true friend is about, & it's the right thing to do, so stop saying your sorry!" ~J.S. Even more than that is that she is gathering all her friends & having a rent party for us! Not one of those people know us, but they are good friends with her & she has called upon them for their help & they are there to step up to the plate. To each of you that help us thank you in advance. My friend simply stepped up to the plate & asked me how much did we owe to save our home. Amazing woman, mother & friend! I Love you J.S.!

My husband & I finally got a hold of the guy the ripped us off our pay & when we told him what was going on due to his malice, he offered to send us some money. It wasn't what he owed us, but at this point something is better than nothing. We have spoke to the landlord & they are gonna work with us on our rent by giving us a week or two to come up with money. We have found another vacation package company that will set us up in our home to work & we have a couple odd jobs to help us get by for now. That should all happen by the end of next week.

My husband & I finally got to speak to his parents in Dominica, BVI. That was nice & when we talked to them we have realized that we have nothing to worry about. We just need to focus & get our grind on when we get to start working. If we work hard for one year & save our money after getting back on track & our family will take our business that we built at home here in the US to Dominica. There in that beautiful island I will continue to raise our children & grow old there..



The moral of my experiences & story is that there is Hope, people do care, pride & fear can hurt you, to speak up because someone cares!! God is great & I thank you for all lessons learned through good & bad times.. What does NOT kill you WILL make you stronger!

Will It Ever End...

Hey everyone, I hope all of you are well. It's 30 minutes past midnight & as my husband sleeps I just sit here thinking of life & my children. I miss ALL of my kids right now so badly... Things here are still crazy as far as work & bills. Still nothing! Working on a couple of things working for one company from home, & trying to start up our old Herbalife biz, but we will see. My faith in our good Lord is strong & I know he will NOT give us more than we can handle, but damn when will this horror story end?? When can my husband & I live a normal life again (as normal as you can after the loss of a child). All we want to do is work & it seems that all the companies around here are commission only... That isn't gonna work. My husband & I are both catching a cold & we are stir crazy. The money is almost out & our electric is due on the 21st or we are in the dark the next day... Rent, don't even get me started on that & my car I had to get fixed because I had it looked at & they told us that if we drove it another 30 miles our wheel would have fallen off while driving down the road.. So there goes the last of our money.. Outside of all that I just force myself through each day & pray that Jehovah will bring us our blessings allowing us to pull through this.. I want to know where are all the people that are so close when we sit here lonely & in pain looking for a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to us just so we can vent.. Where are those that wanted me to go out before the pregnancy. When it would be good for us to get out & be out of the house & with friends.. We now realize that we ONLY have each other, and our Lord. Wish I had a group of girls that I could just hang out with or grab lunch with or coffee, i.e. On a good note these tough times have made me VERY resourceful!! I got 2 FREE phone w/FREE 250 FREE minutes every month for one year. One for me, One for my husband... I found a dental place to get my teeth cleaned & X-ray for FREE & Free Consultation. Getting my taxes done soon, but who cares because the EX gets ALL of that for child support. Liberty Tax though will give you $50 cash on the spot to get your taxes done... So that's $50 & when my husband got his done I referred him so the Liberty tax he got his done at owe me $50.. The last guy I worked for still owes us $150... We will probably NEVER see that though... Another good note is that we have so much free time now that our house is SPOTLESS!!! Feels great, when we were at our worst our house was not nasty just VERY sloppy, as those of you that have been through this horrible depression that comes over you when you lose your child that the house chores don't get done. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. I feel different when everything is spotless, a good different... Thanks for listening, Good night & God bless...

When One Door Closes....

It wasn't very long ago that I was trying to figure out just how to save our son Silas, but now I try to figure out a way to save my family. Ever since I was told that I would need to take it easy and quit work since Silas was diagnosed at 20 wks things have been extremely hard. I've had to endure my husband's lay-off, it took till mid Dec. to get my clearance to go back to work. Each month we face eviction & yet figure it all out just in time. We have exhausted ALL our option & again we are facing eviction for Feb even though our lease is up May. The few jobs my husband & I found either didn't pay us on pay day, shut down. The local charities have all helped us from Oct-Dec. & we sold one of our cars to pay for Jan's rent. Our lights are due $400!!! How the heck is that possible when we were out of town for 2 wks & our place is only 1011 sq ft. On top of all this I just found out I have right ovarian cysts that wouldn't stop bleeding for a whole month.. Oh, and my phone was shut off yesterday..

Another Door Opens...

So, as I sit here watching t.v. missing my kids. I stop to think all that has happened since Silas' birth/death. As my anxiety flows through my body with a dose of depression & frustration I try my best to not think about being thrown out in the cold, what about my husband, kids & my daughters dog. I try to think of Mon as it could be filled with great news, but until then it's all a waiting game. "Patience is a virtue". My husband & I have decided that we are tired of being done dirty with our jobs/careers & are trying to start up our own venture. I want to this to be successful so that my husband & I can live comfortably, and give our kids what they deserve. Our future & well-being depends on this. We can send more time with our children, have another baby, fix our cars, & move into a new place.. In the end our children will have a business to take over if they want..

So, for now this is all just in the works, but I hope to assist the Cherubs families & help them travel when needed for the CDH reasons much more affordably. With all travel packages bought for or from a Cherub friend/family member a donation will be made in honor of your Cherub's name & info to CHERUBS. ***Donation depends current promotional package at time of purchase***

I wish I lived in the country on a nice piece of land that has animals, decent whether, good schools. A place where most the kids play in the barn NOT play the X-Box. I wonder why us, why more, isn't a child more than one person should lose? May Jehovah give us the strength to survive & not suffer anymore than we already have... Please bless us with this venture & tough those hearts that can change the whole situation for the worse.. This IS our chance so please touch my husband's heart with joy, skill, and finesse to keep things moving forward..

Welcome

I'm a mother & wife in my mid 30's and my story started along time ago back in 1996. I was a statistic from the beginning. In November of 1995 I met the father of my first born & on July 29, 1996 my oldest daughter was born. I was just a junior in high school and 16 yrs old. I dropped out of high school & re-enrolled into a special school that had a daycare in it so I could continue my education. May 1997 I walked the stage in my cap & gown in the agreement that I still had to attend 4 weeks of summer school to receive my diploma. I went to 3 weeks of summer school and wasn't able to compete the last week due to complications in my abusive relationship.

After many years of battling bad relationships, abuse, a beating that caused me to miscarry, drugs, mental health complications, & custody battle I decided that it was time to make a change for the better. I logged into the internet & found a career on a 350 acre horse farm training 35 reining horses in Pennsylvania. I didn't have a dollar to my name or know anyone there at at all, but I did know that if I stayed where I was i would either end up dead, or in prison. So, I took a chance!! I signed temporary custody of my daughter to my parents & left for a better future.

My journey in Pennsylvania lasted from May 2001-January 2007. I arrived in Pa. & after 3 short months I got injured on the job & could no longer work. I job hopped until 2002 my birthday came and I went out & hung with some friends. That night was one of the worst as one of my friends attempted to rape me & when he got hurt trying he called the police. Since he was the only one with marks on his body I went to jail. Unfortunately the cop that arrived to the scene was violent & years later dismissed from the force for excessive force & violence. Needless to say that night I ended up in the hospital with a dislocated knee, foot print of cops shoe, cuts, bruises, and in a wheelchair! Shortly after my appearance at the hospital I was escorted to the local prison to be locked away until my case could be heard. I ended up wasting a little over a 1 year in prison altogether.

While I was locked away it was important for me to do something better for myself & my kids instead of wasting my days just sitting doing nothing. So, with that I decided to get my GED. So while I was locked up I studied for my GED & 3 days after I was released I took the exam & passed!! It was now '03'- early '04' & I was NO longer a statistic!! I had even enrolled into college for my A.S. Business Admin/Management/Marketing degree!!

While I was locked up I met my youngest daughter's father on a furlow. Shortly after my release we started dating & on May 18, 2005 we welcomed our sweet baby girl into this world. Our little girl was born during my maternity leave from college. I was working at Subway, waitressing at a local diner & a college student all while being pregnant. Shortly after graduation I got work & then approx after 6 months with the company they offered to cover my U-Haul to relocate to where my kids lived in Florida (where I was from).

 So January 2007 I find myself living back in Florida. My youngest daughter's father was to follow in May, but due to personal problems things just didn't work out the way planned. The career I moved down here for was in the real estate industry & do I really need to say more? Florida real estate market by no means was gentle to me. I went from having a small place & a '98' Cavalier to having a beautiful home in the country, '98' Cavalier &  a BRAND new '08' Suzuki. I lost it ALL!

I was in a car accident that almost took my life & that was the beginning of hitting rock bottom for me, or so I thought. Suzuki got repossessed, Cavalier wrecked, had to send my youngest daughter to stay with my parents as I wasn't sure where I would be tomorrow as I was facing losing my home too. I needed to get away again to make a change, so I moved to Orlando. I found out that the "friends" I thought I had in Orlando were far from that to say the least.

By now it is summer 2008 & I'm in Orlando. I was staying with some room mates & that's when I met my now husband. He came across the street to see if I was some girl named Nikki from Arkansas. Nope, not me... About a month later we bumped into each other again & this time things were different. We hung out, became friends, and in October 2008 I needed to move so i moved in with my husband as a temporary thing as room mates for a month or two. Since that day in October we have never been apart. October 10, 2009 my husband asked me to marry him & on December 17, 2011 we committed ourselves to one another "Till Death Do Us Part".

Shortly after we said our views I had real bad joint pain & was getting symptoms that made me believe that I was having problems with my thyroid or I was getting fibromyalgia. On my oldest sisters birthday March 15, I went to the hospital with pains & bleeding to see if I was having a problem with my cysts I have on my ovaries. Come to find out, we were 12 weeks pregnant!! Apparently, on February 1st (My 32nd B-day) our baby was conceived.

Now to the reason for this online blog to document our story & my journey not only for me, but for the others like us... Also for my girls to know the truth not only about their questions like why, how & for them to know their brother. You see I started this journey w/CDH when Silas was diagnosed at 20 weeks gestation.  My story began to be documented HERE. I went to write on my blog yesterday & that is when I noticed that it was high-jacked & someone changed my layout. I couldn't figure out how to fix it after hours of trying today, so I'm just linking it so you can follow the story from then till now.

This is MY Story!! A story of many trials & triumphs, but NOT the end! If I can conquer all I have so can you!!  ~Psalm 55:22